I have this mental problem – I fall into ruts and my train of thought begins to resemble something like:

“When does it ever end?”

and

“Well, atleast I can relax when I’m dead”

Thing is, If I’d have solved my problems when they were tiny annoyances rather than gigantic festering emergencies, I’d have less ‘on my plate’ and less urgency with which to do it.

And yet I dont. I start to become obsessed with this idea of getting “personal time” – that is, time to myself. time alone, with no cell phone, no interruptions, and no distractions. Quiet time. Where I can just chill out and let the worries of the day wash off of me. And as I carve off several hours each night to myself, I neglect everything else, and all of my little problems worries and responsibilities grow ever so slightly larger.

As these problems begin to loom, I stress and freak out, and seem to need even more ‘personal time’ in which i, once again, neglect these problems. Push them out of my mind. Drink, smoke, and stare off into space until the next morning. and once again, these problems arent anywhere near resolved.

This negative feedback loop continues until I:

a) start losing grip on reality (happened about a year ago…was pretty bad)

b) force myself to fix these problems that are now screaming at a fever pitch in my ears

or (often)

c) simply miss deadlines

Obviously, none of these are conducive to my mental or physical well-being.

Once you’re in this loop its hard to break out of it. I need to stay ahead of these little problems. If I squash these tiny problems early, well, sure – the problems still never go away. Its still a never-ending cascade of bullshit – but the bullshit is simpler. Easier to deal with in a relaxed fashion than if I let problems rot and stack up around me.

I’m off to solve a big problem of mine right now. What are you going to take care of this evening?

Posted by Stressman in Uncategorized