or “Your brain is a big dummy and we’re going to trick it”

 

Alright. I think I’ve mastered this skill.

I’ve done it so many times.

The beauty is that its almost completely painless.

Check it out – you’ll need a few supplies.

  • box of nicotine gum, lowest strength available – the lowest strength is still stupidly high. This, combined with the outrageous price, and the fact that they only sell them in what appear to be 300-piece family packs makes me think that the people selling nicotine gum are more evil than the people selling cigarettes. Still, buy a box. You need it.
  • Something to “cut” the gum with (because, as I said, the lowest strength is still an insane amount of nicotine and not conducive to quitting) – Get another type of gum. Whatever you like. but probably a similar flavor to that of the nicotine gum. Get roughly half as many pieces as you have pieces of nic gum. Or dont. whatever.
  • Get some teabags. I’d recommend green tea for a couple reasons:
    • Lighter, more distinct flavor
    • less caffeine, so if you’re anything like me, you’ll drink more of it
    • arguably better for you

 

Alright. you’ve got everything you need to do this. I’m just spitballing here and making this up as I go. It worked for me, but only accidentally. But lets go:

Week 1:

Continue smoking while you acquire the supplies. decide on a start date (hint: next monday). Dont freak out, this is going to be so easy you wont even know whats going on until it’s too late.

Week 2:

Do you take smoke breaks at work? If so, that stops here. You instead replace these smoke breaks with making a cup of tea and chewing a piece of nicotine gum. place the gum in your mouth as you start making the tea and just leave it in there normally until you’re about to start drinking it. This is now your smoke break ritual.

Continue doing this for the entire week. This is the most painless way you’ve ever quit smoking.

 

Week 3: You’ll start to feel a weird craving for tea. When this happens, give into it. But dont forget to pop a piece of gum into your mouth beforehand. What we’re doing is making your brain associate the process of making and drinking tea with the calming feeling of nicotine gum. Keep this up. You want to strengthen this association.

 

Week 4-5: You’re done smoking cigarettes. Throw away any you have, clean out and hide your ash trays, hide your lighters, any other smoking paraphenalia. Sounds harsh now, but it wont once you’re at this point. It’ll be a mild speedbump at best.

You’re now a tea drinker, through and through. Keep it up as you continue not smoking. Continue with the nicotine gum too, BTW. this is simply there to keep you from exploding and to reinforce the brain’s association with tea and nicotine.

 

Week 6: Good. you havent smoked for 2 weeks. Cigarettes nary cross your mind anymore, and you’ve tried teas from all around the globe. you’re probably still chewing nicotine gum, but probably not as much as before. If you’ve dropped it completely, good. you’re done! congratulations!  if not, this is what we purchased the other, non-nicotine gum for. Start cutting your nicotine gum intake by literally cutting the piece of nicgum down and replacing the part lost with the non-nicotine gum. Increase this ratio of non-nicotine to nicotine until you’re just chewing gum. and then stop chewing gum because that shit is bad for your teeth.

 

There. I solved your smoking problem.

 

Did this work for you? Did it not? Comments? Any ideas on how to improve this method? Leave us a comment.


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